Evaluate my cover letter!?

Its a really bad idea to tell a potential employer what "limited experience" you have for the job. Rather than focus on what you don't have, you need to focus on what you do have ! Omit the lack of experience sentence, and instead write about how your part time job gives you experience with their job ! If you as good a writer as you say, then you must learn to be convincing and persuasive... thus you must learn how to use wording correctly to show the company you are the right person for the job.